After three years, I sort of assumed that my relationship with Manny was all that it was ever going to be: pleasant and docile. We spent our weekdays being parents and a family: helping with homework, going on play dates, having “I’m almost too tired to move, but need to get off in order to go to sleep” sex the moment the kids passed out. Thursday nights were for gaming. Then on Fridays we would work, then maybe go catch a movie in the evenings. He worked long hours on Saturdays, so if I wanted to go out, I went with other friends. Sundays were reserved for daytime outings or just lying in bed telling each other how much we loved each other all day and maybe doing something mildly sexually adventurous, like me putting him in bondage or me wearing a collar. It was pleasant, if predictable. Most of my exciting sexual encounters were with clients or on camera.
I was trying to adjust…and failing.
At first, he was so innocent that anything dirty at all was titillating. I could just tie his hands behind his back or he could call me a slut and it felt soooo subversive. And, don’t get me wrong: it was good. Like, the best sex I’ve ever had, on or off camera. He has amazing endurance and a super strong desire to please. All men say that they love eating pussy and most of them do to some degree, but not like Manny. He’s like a man starved and he can’t lick my clit fast enough. It’s awesome!
However, as the novelty wore off with him, the thrill wore off for me. He still enjoyed himself and I did, too, but that spark in his eye was gone. This wasn’t WRONG anymore. It was just the way we had sex. I like taboos and, for me, that doesn’t mean bedroom bondage and the occasional slap on the ass. It means crossdressing, diapers, watersports, humiliation, breast smothering, prolonged impact play, incest role play, CATHARSIS. It means becoming so immersed in the kink, in the sex, that you find everything else just melting away, the kind of experience where I find it impossible to be thinking of my grocery list or the laundry. I want my partner and I to exist purely as a vessel for pleasure and pain.
Over the past weeks, months, I feel that Manny and I have gotten there. But it isn’t moving back, it’s moving forward.
Diapers are figuring into our sex life for the first time, as are other fetish items. A commenter on my blog asked if Manny was being more dominant or simply aggressive and eager. In the past, he’s certainly been more dominant, but recently I think he’s been more “simply aggressive and eager” and I like it! (Not that I want to over-analyze or waste time applying labels, but this feels like a telling way to differentiate. It’s more like play now.)
For example, he and I were engaging in some rape role play the other day and he was holding me down and demanded, “Who do you belong to?” Usually I would meekly answer, “You,” and continue struggling. In the past, he did NOT like being challenged. He was in control and I could bend to his will or he would leave. He didn’t want to dominate someone who wasn’t submissive. However, this time I growled, “A son of a bitch!” and spit in his face. Instead of getting soft and storming off, he wiped the spit from his face and smeared it over mine, adding a little of his own. Then he began fucking me so hard that it hurt. “Again, who do you belong to?” I gave him a sarcastic little smile and answered, “I just said: you.” He let it go that time.
Beyond that, there have been too many other fun sexual encounters to list. My favorite standout was when he diapered me in the middle of one night.
We were sleeping and I had woken up to go to the bathroom. I had to climb over him, like I always do, and, as I did, he asked where I was going.
“I need to pee?”
He was clearly still more than half asleep. “Do you want me to diaper you?”
“Okay.” He got up and stumbled over to the closet and pulled out a diaper. It was clear that he had misheard me, but I couldn’t bring myself to correct him. Of course I wanted him to. Dear god, I wanted him to. But I need to know that HE wants to. Indulging in diaper play with someone who isn’t into it is just the worst.
He wandered back to bed and pulled me toward him, adjusting me on my back and lifting my hips. One of my favorite things about Manny is that he’s large enough to throw me around when he wants to. I am, after all, a big, strapping girl, and not everyone can do that.
He taped me up, then lied down and pulled me close to him, my diaper nestling against his hardening cock. I thought that I would be too excited to sleep, but it was just so comforting and intimate, and he was so warm and close. We drifted off before too long, cuddled against each other, my diaper crinkling as his erection ebbed and flowed against it.